Appointment #3 was definitely an eye opener. I knew that I had taken on too much and spread myself too thin. I knew that I was forgetting to take my supplements and they weren't able to do their job effectively because I wasn't being consistent. I knew that my weight had started to creep back up.
At this appointment, instead of talking about diet and what to eat at what time of day or how to be more consistent with my supplements, Dr. Martens simply let me talk. I talked about how I had changed my routine at the gym and was now doing two days of crossfit style workouts and three days of running a week to train for the Enchated10k in February. I talked about the stresses of being a mom and a business owner, something that she can relate to all too well.
It was so refreshing to sit there and just talk. Express what was going on in my life at that given point and time and feel validated. She got it. She knew that I was talking about and how it made me feel. She knew the impact that those feelings had on my hormones.
And she let me know that it was ok.
We broke the stresses down one by one and talked about strategies for not taking on things that were a waste of time or resources. The minute that I feel like I'm getting drained emotionally or mentally, I need to step back and consider what is good for me and what is not. What fills my soul with joy and what is me doing something out of obligation.
For a doula, that is hard! I live and breathe by helping others and it can be incredibly hard to say no! But, just like I tell my clients, I can't pour from an empty cup and I have to take care of myself first.
Then she asked do you write? I said that I do, but that my journal has been sitting without passages since about September 18th when the stressful junk started building up. And that it's so silly that it's something I forgo because I really love it and have the perfect area in my office to sit and write.
Before getting on the table for acupuncture, she said that my homework before the next appointment is to sit and write. Even if it's only for 10 minutes each day, to sit and write and be mindful of it.
For acupuncture, we did another round to stimulate ovulation and she added an acupuncture needle at the crown of my head. I always love asking her what she's doing and why, so I asked what it was for. She wanted to get me out of my head and more into my body, so the needle was there to start to diffuse that energy that was pent up and send it down into my body.
20 minute lovely little nap later, and I left feeling relaxed and excited to head home to write. I lit some incense, chimed my singing bowl, put on an Om Mani Padme Hum chant, and sat. After a few breaths, I put pen to paper and I wrote.
I've been writing every single day since, and being real with myself. I have been consistent about taking my supplements and have stopped beating myself up if I forget. While it may not always look like sitting at my meditation space with chanting playing and incense burning, I still make a point of writing about my day. It's become incredibly therapeutic for me and I'm processing things that have been long buried deep down. Sometimes in Sanskrit, sometimes in English...but always something each and every day.
My last cycle was painless again, no nausea or complications.
I'm waiting for my next appointment, which is in a few weeks, but I'm feeling confident that I'm in a good place. I'm healing, and taking that process one step at a time. Never did I expect to experience this at 3 years postpartum, but it's happening and I've found a path that feels good.