Guest Bloggin': Censie from Building Our Story

When I realized that I didn't have a post scheduled today {ya know...with being at BlogHer and all}, I immediately went to Censie from Building Our Story and asked if she wouldn't mind guest bloggin' over here. Thankfully, she said yes, and she talks about a subject that while I don't post too often about my life as a mama, is something that I can completely relate to.

I am, afterall, a fearless formula feeder, since breastfeeding wasn't all that it was cracked up to be {for me...the girls just did not cooperate and it contributed too much to my PPD. Eventually I had to decide that the best thing I could do for my son was to give him a happy and healthy mom}.

Here is Censie's story and, her fears.

I am honored that Shannon asked me to guest post for her while she ventured to Blogher12.  While I am so happy for her I am simply jealous that I had to miss the conference this year!  I cannot wait to hear all about your trip and experience lady!!  Hope you are having a blast!!  

My name is Censie, said like Kenzie, I am the proud mommy of Jude (our turtle) who just turned 2 years old and happy wife to hubby Jeremy who is an amazing father, provider, husband and artist!  We are expecting our second child, a baby girl, in October 2012!  Excitment in our home for sure!!

  I hope all of you who love Shannon will also come visit us at our blog - Building Our Story! 
Thanks for reading!
 

You have all probably figured this out but I am pregnant – GASP!!  LOL It’s true.  I am actually 28 weeks along now.  Amazing how fast it goes!! 
Now, just like all pregnant women I have my anxieties, worries, and concerns about my upcoming labor and delivery as well as welcoming a new baby into the world.  Yes, even the second time around you feel these things – along with excitement, joy and happiness of course!!
The difference this time around for me has nothing to do with the PAIN, water breakage, or hospital bag.  The only thing that I am worked up about right now –
 BREASTFEEDING vs. FORMULA! 
That’s it but let me tell you I am nervous, embarrassed, and just plan ANXIOUS as f*&k (excuse the offensive language)!
And now time for my confession; a sentence that is hard to say in a world of negative comments, negative people and BULLIES!   Before I let that sentence out I would like to preface this all by saying – do you what you want with your babies/children, it is your choice, BUT the negative and condescending comments will do you NO good here – bullies will not be tolerated!! 
Here we go -
I DO NOT WANT TO BREASTFEED MY BABY GIRL THAT IS DUE IN 12 WEEKS!
Confession out – do you still like me?  And now for the problem I am having after I proudly say that I have no desire to go through the heartache, pain, frustration, and overall STRESS again.  For my story of why I struggled with nursing Jude please click this link!! 
The hospital I am delivering at is an amazing, fairly new hospital in the Denver area – same hospital that I delivered Jude at and I love it.  It is what is considered a “Baby Friendly” hospital (funny name, I would hope all hospitals were baby friendly! Lol) 
Here is what they describe as “Baby Friendly” = Breastfeeding immediately after birth, discourage pacifiers, bedside sleeping/in room sleeping (love this!) and discourage bottles and formula.  Yes, pretty baby friendly, I agree with that.  Well unless your body or baby decides that nursing just is going to work or if you as a woman decide that you have no desire to feed your baby from your boob! 
So this is what I am afraid of – I already told you my confession – I do not want to nurse my baby!  BUT I also do not want to hear from every single nurse or lactation consultant that I am doing something wrong.  So what does this anxious mommy-to-be do?? 
Am I able to bring my own formula and bottles?  Do I “fake” it and nurse while we are at the hospital?  Just be a strong woman and own up to the nurses from the beginning?  Am I ready for the looks of disgust?
For those of you who have walked into a hospital delivery room with these worries, what did you do?  How did you make the experience as blessed as your first? 
And by the way – my 2 year old boy who was a formula baby is one healthy, active little man – formula did he well!  And formula helped me keep my sanity!  Okay, most of it! 
Thank you for listening to my confession!